Hell

I had a very hellish day of teaching my 10th graders. Not only was the class just awful, but it was even worse because I was being observed by one of my own teachers in the program. When we talked after class, I totally cried. I felt so miserable. And I was so embarrassed. I have had a couple of really fantastic days with my eleventh graders, but of course, had to be observed on a shitty day with the sophomores.

As awful as it was, it was actually very productive. We talked a lot about what was going well and what was not so great in each of my classes and I realized that my big issue with my sophomore classes is that I am just not comfortable teaching them. I don't feel as comfortable with the material and I don't feel comfortable with the 38 fifteen year-olds that I have to teach it to. I then had an epiphany and realized that the reason that I am uncomfortable is that I am trying to be someone that I am not. I am trying to hard to fill this very standard version of what "good teaching" looks like and it's way too formal and way not me. So, I have made some decisions about how to now approach the class and how I can do so in a productive way by being myself and not who other teachers think I should be. It really works for me with my Juniors and I am hoping it will be the same for my sophomores. Wish me luck!